Having Confidence in Your Abilities as an Adoptive Parent
The average amount of time children are in New Jersey foster care before being adopted is around 3.1 years, according to data gathered in 2012. Many people looking to adopt a child feel nervous about their abilities to be good parents. Facing this fear is a normal part of the process.
Connect With Other Adoptive Parents
Talking with other people who have gone through the adoption process will give you insights and reassure you that you’re not alone. Lots of adoptive parents have the same worries in the beginning. For example, many worry about having what it takes to raise a child who experienced early traumas or dealing with birth parents trying to interfere. It’s normal to have these worries, so don’t let your sudden anxiety hold you back from adopting a child.
Whether you’re going through a private adoption or an agency adoption, you should consult with a New Jersey adoption attorney to protect your interests. This helps give you confidence in the legal aspects of adoption.
Discuss Potential Health Issues With Doctors
If you’re going through the closed adoption process, you might not have access to the child’s medical history and family medical history. This means that you will not know if the child is at a higher risk of mental disorders and other health issues. When you adopt a child who’s no longer a baby, you must be aware that they may have mental health issues to work through. You’ll need to have patience and an understanding of how children can be affected by their parents putting them up for adoption. Some of these children may have been abused as well.
Discuss these topics with various doctors and mental health care professionals to learn what to expect and how to handle them. When you know what to expect, you’ll feel more confident in your abilities to be a good adoptive parent. Schedule therapy appointments for the child if needed, and maintain a positive mindset that he or she can heal from their past traumas.
Learn About the Child’s Culture
In transracial adoptions, you should learn about the child’s culture to help him or her have pride in the culture and background. You could also connect with adults who have the same race and/or culture as the child you’re adopting. They may help you understand the culture and gently guide you if you get something wrong.
Incorporate aspects of your new child’s culture into the upbringing. This can include holidays and traditions from the home country. You’ll find it fun to learn about and experience another culture while raising your child.
Read Books and Listen to Podcasts on Parenting
The more you learn, the more confidence you’ll have in your parenting abilities. Don’t know where to start? You can ask your agency for advice.
Some books with good parenting tips for adoptive parents include:
- “Attaching in Adoption: Practical Tools for Today’s Parents” by Deborah D. Gray
- “Parenting the Hurt Child: Helping Adoptive Families Heal and Grow” by Gregory Keck and Regina M. Kupecky
- “Raising Adopted Children, Revised Edition: Practical Reassuring Advice for Every Adoptive Parent” by Lois Ruskai Melina
- “The Open-Hearted Way to Open Adoption: Helping Your Child Grow Up Whole” by Lori Holden
- “No-Drama Discipline: The Whole-Brain Way to Calm the Chaos and Nurture Your Child’s Developing Mind” by Daniel J. Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson
Work on Yourself
Taking an interest in personal development helps give you more confidence in your parenting abilities. Consider making time to read inspirational and helpful personal development books. Working on improving yourself could help you become a better parent by cultivating patience, confidence, and high self-esteem.
Having confidence as an adoptive parent often comes down to making friends with other adoptive parents, learning as much as you can, and consulting with professionals. Of course, staying on top of all potential adoption-related legal issues is important, too. Protect your interests when adopting a child by working with a New Jersey adoption attorney. Contact Cofsky & Zeidman for advice on any type of adoption. You can reach our Haddonfield, NJ, office at (856) 429-5005 and our Woodbury, NJ, office at (856) 845-2555.





Undergoing a home study prior to adopting is a requirement for people in New Jersey. A big role our NJ adoption attorney can play in your adoption is helping you understand what is required of you and how to minimize the costs. Starting a home study requires some basics, such as driver’s licenses, marriage certificates, birth certificates and so forth. You may also need to provide tax returns, documents concerning assets, proof of various insurance policies and so forth. The home study itself does comprise multiple in-home assessments, but it is, at its core, an educational program provided by an independent party designed to prepare individuals who want to adopt children. Topics of study include:
When it comes to cost, the amount that you’ll pay is likely to be in the same realm as the cost of fertility treatments. These can be pricey, especially if you try multiple rounds of IVF or artificial insemination. The cost of foster care adoptions ranges from nothing to $2,500 while licensed private adoptions vary from $5,000 to $40,000 or more. Independent adoptions are from $8,000 to $40,000 or more, and facilitated adoptions run from $5,000 to $40,000 or more. If you go with an intercountry adoption, then you can expect to pay from $7,000 to $30,000.
On March 14, 2019 the US Department of State released its 2018 annual report on inter-country adoptions. The report shows that only 4,059 children were adopted through inter-country adoption between October 1, 2017 through September 30, 2018. This represents almost 15 percent fewer children from the previous year and an 82 percent decline since 2004 when over 20,000 children had been adopted in the United States from abroad. This is a new historic low.
specific adoption laws of the child’s home country. In order to better avoid these issues, you might want to call a New Jersey adoption lawyer that can identify potential problems before they occur. There are also a variety of visa requirements that may be necessary when trying to adopt from certain countries.
However, if it’s a domestic adoption, there is one respect in which it may be affected by the fact that it is transracial. A federal law called the Indian Child Welfare Act specifies that certain requirements be met if a child who is eligible for membership in a federally recognized Indian tribe is going to be adopted by a non-Native family. The child’s tribe must give consent. The law was enacted in 1978 when many Indian children were being removed from Indian homes and placed in foster care or with parents who weren’t Indian. You would have to be sure you are complying with any conditions specified by the ICWA in order to adopt a child of Native American heritage. Your PA adoption attorney can advise you in more depth about adoption and the ICWA.