Closed Versus Open Adoption: What You Need to Know

 

Making the decision to adopt a child is an important milestone for your family, but it is one that can also be fraught with confusion and concern over the legal processes surrounding adoption.

 

There are so many myths that have to do with how adoption works and what it looks like. The truth is that adoption has evolved into a more modern form, so stories you have heard from others in the past may not be accurate with how adoption works today. Understanding what’s in front of you and the options available to you as adoptive parents will guide your decision.

 

Having a lawyer who knows the ins and outs of the law will be very valuable as you go forward to add a new family member and celebrate this milestone. One common question that many people considering adoption want to know is whether closed or open adoption is more appropriate and what each of these means.

 

Open versus closed adoption is an important decision you will need to make early on in the adoption process and may be determined or affected by the family you’ll ultimately choose to work with.

 

A closed adoption means the adoptive parents and child have no contact with the birth parents after the adoption is finalized. This used to be the majority of adoptions. In some cases, there may have been no contact prior to the adoption. However, the United States trend with regards to adoption is now towards open adoption, in which different boundaries can be established based on the parties remaining in one another’s lives and closed adoptions are now rare in the U.S. but are still a common practice for parents adopting internationally. In the past, a family would be included on a list a social worker would identify a match.

 

Adoptive parents may not have known who the birth parents were or where the child came from. Many states now have procedures where someone who wants to open a closed adoption can access information about the other parties. However, this varies from state to state. The open adoption process is the most common today. The adoptive parents usually meet and keep in touch with the birth parents. Most adoption agencies encourage some degree of openness and these birth parents participate in choosing the adoptive parents in many cases. With the open adoption process adoptive parents can answer questions about who the birth parents. However, there are downsides associated with open adoption.

 

Adoptive parents might find the openness degree threatening, and become concerned that the birth parents may intrude in lives of the family after or even try to reverse the adoption. Adoptive parents might be concerned that the child will suffer some confusion about who his or her real parents are. However, when this situation is set up with the assistance of a knowledgeable New Jersey adoption attorney, the relationship for all parties can be very beneficial.

 

Birth parents and adoptive parents may stay in touch frequently over the duration of the pregnancy and stay in contact after the birth. In some cases, the adoptive parents might be able to witness the child’s birth as well. Other families may choose to stay in touch on holidays and birthdays only, but a friendship can develop that can last for many years. If you are interested in the various aspects of adoption and what you should do to plan ahead when your family is thinking about making use of these procedures in New Jersey is to schedule a consultation with an experienced lawyer immediately.

Contact Our Offices in Haddonfield, Woodbury or Philadelphia.

To set up an appointment with Attorney Don Cofsky, call us in Haddonfield at 856-429-5005 or in Woodbury at 856-845-2555. We can also be reached in Philadelphia at 215-563-2150 or by e-mail.

Who Can Put a Child Up for Adoption?

Adoption is a complex intersection of numerous different New Jersey laws that are important to understand whether you are intending to adopt or putting a child up for adoption. In general, the laws allow for any person who has the legal right to do so to place a child for adoption.
This usually includes the legal guardian, a guardian ad litem appointed by court to represent the child’s best interests, or the birth parents. Furthermore, legal entities like the State Department of Social Services or child placement agencies that are regulated by the government also have the opportunity to put a child up for adoption.

If you or a loved one is thinking about putting a child up for adoption, setting aside a time to meet with a qualified NJ attorney is a wise decision that could help you make the right decision.

Since not everyone can put a child up for adoption because they do not have the legal rights, a consultation with a lawyer can help you see what’s involved in protecting your best interests.

How Do Most Adoptions Come About?

The majority of states across the country including New Jersey allow non-agency, also referred to as private placements, of children for adoption. You may also hear this as referenced as independent adoption. One common type of private adoption in most states is the direct placement of one child by the birth parent with an adoptive family.

There are regulations in place in New Jersey and other states that allow for this type of private adoption to protect the best interests of the parties involved and the child.

These laws typically include restricting how prospective adoptive parents can advertise for a birth mother, extending the period of time that a birth parent might have to change their mind about the adoption after it is complete, and limiting the amount of money that prospective adoptive parents can give a birth mother for medical expenses and pre-natal care.

Another type of adoption is known as agency adoption. This falls in two different categories: adoptions from private companies and adoptions for public agencies.

Adoption Intermediaries

An adoption intermediary may sometimes be involved in arranging private placement adoptions.

What you need to know about the inter-state compact on the placement of children

All 50 states in the U.S. in addition to the U.S. Virgin Islands in the District of Columbia are part of what is known as the ICPC or the Inter-State Compact on the Placement of Children.

This is a contract between U.S. states to provide support services and protection for children that are adopted by parent’s living in a different state. An authorized representative must be the one to initiate an ICPC adoption and this representative must be in the state in which the child is currently living. The adoption packet is then sent to the receiving state.

The social services agency in that state will then visit the home, meet all of the relevant individuals involved in the adoption and carry out a home study. The report that is generated after the home study allows the agency in the receiving state to make decisions to deny or approve the adoption.

Contacting an experienced adoption attorney is strongly recommended if you are thinking about putting a child up for adoption or if you are prospective adoptive parents who wish to adopt a child in the coming years.

 

Having an experienced attorney who will help you with all aspects of your case and answer your questions as you go along is extremely important during this exciting time in your life.

Contact Our Offices in Haddonfield, Woodbury or Philadelphia.

To set up an appointment with Attorney Don Cofsky, call us in Haddonfield at 856-429-5005 or in Woodbury at 856-845-2555. We can also be reached in Philadelphia at 215-563-2150 or by e-mail.

 

New Jersey Adoption Court Procedures

What You Need to Know About New Jersey Adoption Court Procedures

The legal concerns and questions do not end when you adopt a child. Having an experienced New Jersey adoption attorney at your side for the duration of this process can help to minimize your confusion and prepare you for what to expect. Adoptive parents need to file a court petition, which is referred to as a complaint for adoption.

How the Legal Process Follows an Adoption

Once you decide to adopt, there are many legal procedures and specific pieces of paperwork that must be reviewed and filed in a timely fashion. If you fail to do this, you could experience delays and other challenges in your case. Instead, you should work directly with an experienced adoption lawyer in NJ to help you through these phases of your case.

 

You must initiate the procedure in the county where you live or where the adoption agency that has custody of the child is. When you can move forward with the filing of such a complaint is based on numerous different factors, including whether or not there are issues to resolve like terminating parental rights, or if the child was placed in your home by an agency or independently.

 

The adoption complaint cannot go before the court until the minor has lived in the new adoptive home for a minimum of 6 months in an independent adoption. The complaint could be filed sooner to resolve issues such as if one of the birth parents wishes to terminate their parental rights.

 

The court will name a date for the hearing, which usually occurs between10 and 30 days after the receipt of such a complaint. If the complaint is filed early, the court will choose the date for the preliminary hearing. If there two hearings being held, the majority of New Jersey counties will require that the adoptive parents show up at the preliminary hearing, although they may not need to attend the final hearing.

 

Potential adoptive parents must file a complaint in court within 45 days of the adoptive parents’ receipt of the child. Preliminary hearings go before the court a and occur three months before after the complaint is filed. At this point in time, the birth parents will have their rights terminated. The parents must attend this hearing and testify.

 

The court will also allow a future date and time for supervisory visits, which you may hear referred to as post-placement visits to be carried out by the approved agency. The judgement of adoption is entered at the conclusion of the final hearing and this is when the adoptive parents officially become the legal parents of the child. This can also change the name of the child on the original birth certificate to one the name given to the child by his or her adoptive parents.

Contact Our Offices in Haddonfield, Woodbury or Philadelphia.

To set up an appointment with Attorney Don Cofsky, call us in Haddonfield at 856-429-5005 or in Woodbury at 856-845-2555. We can also be reached in Philadelphia at 215-563-2150 or by e-mail.

Types of Adoption in New Jersey

Different Types of Adoption in New Jersey

Choosing to adopt a child is an exciting proposition but is one that is also filled with anxiety and confusion if you do not have an experienced adoption attorney walking you through the different questions you will have about the process. Knowing that you have a lawyer on your side from the beginning of the process can give you a great deal of peace of mind as you move forward.

Your NJ adoption lawyer can counsel you both before you decide to adopt and as you’re going through the process so that you have someone to turn to as issues arise.

There are many different types of adoption and choosing the one that is most appropriate for you should be done after evaluating your individual circumstances. This is why many people choose to schedule an initial consultation with an experienced adoption attorney at the outset before taking any formal action. A lawyer can walk you through some of the common advantages and disadvantages of different types of adoption to figure out what’s right for you.

Independent adoptions

One common type of adoption is a direct arrangement between adoptive parents and birth parents. This may involve a third party such as a clergy member or a doctor. Not every state allows independent adoptions and the ones that do will regulate them strictly, so ensure that you talk over your state’s laws with an experienced adoption attorney before you explore this option. One type of independent adoption is known as open adoption. This type of adoption allows the biological parents to have some form of limited contact even after the adoption is complete.

Agency Adoption

Adoption agencies are private or public and they are licensed to place children with adoptive parents. Public adoption agencies usually work with children who are wards of the state who have been orphaned, abused, or abandoned. Private adoption agencies are run by social service organizations and charities and will typically put children who have been brought to the agency by expecting parents who wish to give their child up for adoption.

Identification Adoption

This type of adoption combines independent and agency adoptions. Typically, adoptive parents will find a mother who wants to put a child up for adoption and then an adoption agency will be engaged to control the remainder of the process. The advantage is that there is no waitlist for adoptive parents. This also give prospective parents more control over the choosing the child they adopt while still benefitting from the professional services and counselling offered by the agency.

International Adoption

Adopting internationally is complicated because you will need to meet the requirements for the laws of the state in which you live and the host country’s laws. You will have to obtain an immigrant visa for the child through USCIS.

Adopting as Stepparents

Stepparents can adopt their spouse or partners child as long as the other parent consents. If one of the parents, however, does not consent or cannot be found, then hiring an experienced adoption attorney is necessary because there is a lot of paperwork and time involved.

Relative Adoptions

Kinship or relative adoptions happen when a child’s relative petitions the court to adopt the child. This is typically uncles, aunts or grandparents, and usually occurs after the incapacitation of both birth parents.

Adult Adoptions

Adult adoptions don’t happen very often but many states do provide for them. There usually must be an age difference between the parent and the adopted adult and the parties must illustrate the reasons why the adoption is in the best interest of the adult. Consulting with an experienced adoption attorney can help you.

Contact Our Offices in Haddonfield, Woodbury or Philadelphia.

To set up an appointment, call us in Haddonfield at 856-429-5005 or in Woodbury at 856-845-2555. We can also be reached in Philadelphia at 215-563-2150 or by e-mail.

What Questions You Should Anticipate Being Asked in The Event of an Adoption Home Study?

Adoption Home Study

The home study is one of the most important components of the adoption process. It is also one that generates a lot of anxiety on the part of the prospective parents, especially if they have never been through a home study before. The home study is simply intended to give the relevant representatives more information about the family intending to adopt.

However, you may be running numerous scenarios through your mind and anticipating the worst possible situation when the adoption care professional or the social worker arrives. You may wonder exactly what the questions are likely to be so that you can prepare in advance and have better peace of mind that you are fully prepared.

Common Question Categories

There are several different question categories that most adoption professionals and social workers will stick to in order to get a better picture of your family background and your home life. These categories may vary significantly based on the type of adoption you have selected. However, these most common categories include the following:

 

Family Background in Adoption

A large section of the questions in interviews will focus on your personal and family backgrounds for you and your spouse. This may also focus on questions about you individually and your experience growing up, if you are a single person. These questions may include:

• Best childhood memories.
• Worst childhood memories.
• Whether or not you have other children.
• Why you have chosen adoption?
• What are some of your fears surrounding the adoption process?
• How do you feel about discipline?
• Tell us more information about your family growing up.
• What are your hopes for the future?

 

Community

Another crucial part of the interview process to adopt a child in the state of New Jersey has to do with your community environment and your home. Social workers may identify that a questionable community could lead to an adoption falling through. The questions that are asked typically include information about:

• The school system in your area.
• Whether or not your community is safe.
• Your existing relationship with your neighbors.
• Where your child will attend school after being adopted.
• Whether there are particular resources available to you and the child in the community.
• What outlets like teams, arts and sports are available in your community.

 

Health

Your emotional as well as your physical health may be evaluated by the social worker or your adoption care professional. Furthermore, medical records may be requested from your doctor regarding the background of any psychiatric or physical illness. Usually, your health does not carry as much weight in the adoption process as the other questions do. However, the social worker is well within their rights to ask these questions including:

• How you are currently keeping health issues under control?
• How chronic health issues impact you day to day life?
• Whether or not you have an action plan available in case of an emergency.
• Whether you can anticipate a chronic health issue developing over the course of the future because of your family history.
• Whether or not your doctor recommends adoption with your current health issues.

 

Criminal Clearances

In the vast majority of states, you should already be anticipating a criminal record or child abuse record check completed by the adoption agency. You need to be forthcoming about any information tied to a past arrest or whether or not any past behavior and actions may indicate that you could be a safety risk to the child or others.

Planning in advance with the help of an experienced New Jersey adoption attorney can help you feel more confident about the home study and to ensure that you pass with flying colors by answering openly and honestly.

 

Contact Our Offices in Haddonfield, Woodbury or Philadelphia

To learn more about your rights during the home study component of the adoption process, call us in Haddonfield, NJ at (856) 429-5005 or in Woodbury, NJ at (856) 845-2555. We can also be reached in Philadelphia, PA at (215) 563-2150 or by e-mail. Our offices are open weekdays between 9 a.m. and 5 p.m. Weekend and evening appointments may be arranged upon request.

What Biological Parents Must Know About Consent to Adoption in New Jersey

Biological Parents Adoption in New Jersey

Are you a biological parent considering adoption? Just as any party who is thinking about moving forward with an adoption, you need the benefit of an experienced attorney who can walk you through the various critical phases of this process and minimize your stress surrounding the situation. Proper compliance with all state laws linked to adoption is extremely important because you must follow all of these laws in order to minimize challenges in your case.

Get Help from an Adoption Attorney Immediately

Before you move forward with an intended adoption, it’s important to consider that you’ve looked at all the legal ramifications and made a decision about what’s right for you. You might need consent from one or more people in order to decide on an adoption.

If you are facing these complex matters in a pending adoption, having the insight provided by a lawyer can go a long way towards giving you peace of mind about this important process. For a couple thinking about putting a baby up for adoption or anyone thinking about adoption a baby, a full understanding of the state laws surrounding this issue should be achieved before beginning the procedures.

Your NJ adoption lawyer is an important advocate for you and your needs as your case moves through the legal stages of consent to adoption or trying to adopt a child.

What is Consent?

One common question that emerges for biological parents has to do with consent to adoption. A biological parent’s rights are some of the most strongly protected across the country. This means that with very rare exceptions, a parent has to consent to the process before a child can be legally put with another family. Whether this is through an agency or an independent adoption, birth parents have to relinquish parental rights for adoption to proceed.

What Happens After the Elimination of Parental Rights?

After parental rights are ended or terminated, the legal connection between the child and the birth parent is officially severed. Parental consent could, in some places, be revoked under very rare circumstances, but it is usually classified as permanent.

If a biological parent consents to adoption, this is their legal agreement to relinquish the child to someone else. This releases all responsibilities and rights. The biological father and mother, so long as the father has established paternity, have the first right of consent for adoption.

All states except a handful, specify when a birth parent can provide consent. Time related rules or waiting periods may be in place. New Jersey follows a waiting period of three days before consent can be executed. Consent for adoption typically occurs when a written notarized statement is completed or the biological parent appears before a judge. Hiring an experienced adoption attorney can help to clarify your responsibilities and the laws surrounding these issues. After a parent gives consent to an adoption, it can be very challenging to go back. There are very limited circumstances that would allow a birth parent to revoke his or her consent to adoption. For example, this can happen in cases involving coercion or fraud, or if the court deems that it is in the best interests of the child to undo the revocation of parental rights.

Consent through coercion or fraud can be revoked in New Jersey and a handful of other states. The right adoption attorney is extremely important for all aspects of managing an adoption through the state of New Jersey. You need to ensure that you have someone committed to working hard on your behalf in order to move forward with these legal claims.

Contact Our Office

To set up an appointment, call us in Haddonfield at 856-429-5005 or in Woodbury at 856-845-2555. We can also be reached in Philadelphia at 215-563-2150 or by e-mail.

Stepparent Adoption in New Jersey

Stepparent Adoption in New Jersey | Stepparent Adoption Lawyer

Blending your families can be an exciting experience but one that is complicated by the many legal rules surrounding stepparent adoption in New Jersey. Being knowledgeable about your rights is important but many people are not aware of the fact that the most common type of adoption within the state of New Jersey is that of a stepparent adopting a stepchild.

The sooner you talk to a lawyer, the easier it will be to understand what’s involved in stepparent adoption. Walking things through with a lawyer can help you avoid mistakes and ensure that this momentous and important occasion for your family is handled with care. With the right NJ adoption lawyer, you’ll feel well taken care of.

There are numerous different reasons why stepparent may decide to move forward with such a procedure. The stepparent may want to officially secure an inheritance for the child or all children in the household might want to have equal status. There might also be an additional purpose to secure and legalize the bond and commitment that have long been a reality between an existing stepparent and stepchild. It is quite different to go through a stepchild adoption than adopting a child through an agency or private adoption.

In order for an adult to adopt a stepchild, they have to be married to the biological parent of the child. Furthermore, the non-custodial parent’s rights must have already been terminated. This might be the first reason why you scheduled a consultation with a New Jersey adoption attorney. Biological parents’ rights can be terminated involuntarily or voluntarily. If the biological non-custodial parent intends to voluntarily terminate their parental rights, the non-custodial parent must sign a form that officially relinquishes his or her parental rights. In addition, an involuntary termination is often possible too.

A court order can establish this if the non-custodial parent cannot be located. Other reasons why a parent’s rights might be terminated include failure to comply with recommendations of the division of child protection in permanency, a court finding that the best interests of a child are represented with a termination of parental rights, or a conviction of abandonment, abuse, cruelty or neglect. If a non-custodial biological parent’s rights are terminated, they lose the ability to have parenting or custody time with the child.

That also means that the custodial parent cannot collect reimbursement of expenses or child support from the non-custodial parent. After a biological parent’s rights have been terminated involuntarily or voluntarily, a background check must be completed by the stepparent. This usually involves a check with multiple agencies and a verification to determine whether or not domestic violence charges have applied in the past. After this check is complete and the adoption hearing is scheduled, if the child is older than 10, that child has to be present during the hearing. The stepparent becomes the official legal parent of the child and enjoins the same duties, relationships and obligations as if the child were born to that parent directly. This includes rights of inheritance.

Stepparent adoption can be especially complex if you are not familiar with the rights or the common challenges involved. For this reason, you will want to consult with an experienced attorney immediately to protect your interests from the outset of your concerns. Filing all of the proper paperwork and staying on top of the timelines associated with a stepparent adoption are extremely important for you as well as your loved ones and proper adherence to all of this documentation and the rules of the court can make things smooth for everyone involved.

Contact Our Office

To set up an appointment, call us in Haddonfield at 856-429-5005 or in Woodbury at 856-845-2555. We can also be reached in Philadelphia at 215-563-2150 or by e-mail.

Who Can Adopt and How in New Jersey?

New Jersey Adoption Lawyer

When you are interested in adopting a child in New Jersey, it’s important to be aware of the responsibilities and the rights afforded to you, as well as what to expect in an adoption home study. The stages of an adoption are many, and they can also be complex if you don’t have an attorney working for you. When you get legal insight early on in the process, however, you’ll feel more confident with each step.

A proper understanding of the process in advance after speaking directly with your New Jersey adoption attorney can give you better peace of mind about the complexities of the process. An adoptive parent must be 10 years older than the child scheduled to be adopted and be age 18 or older.

A married individual can petition the local court to adopt a child with written consent of his or her spouse, if living separate apart from his or her spouse or jointly with the spouse named in the same case. If the prospective parents do not live in New Jersey at the time, they can still adopt within the state if the child is born in NJ or if they worked with a New Jersey licensed adoption agency.

What are the Rights and Responsibilities of an Adoptive Parent in NJ?

Certain requirements established under New Jersey law enable certain rights and duties afforded to adopted parents. New Jersey laws were written to demonstrate that intended adopted parents are fit and suitable for a child.

After the adoption process is started, an adoption home study will be scheduled. This is the formal assessment from an approved agency to determine the readiness and the capacity of any prospective adoptive parents, including the agency’s recommendations and written report. The primary basis for the home study is to figure out whether or not the prospective adoptive parents are capable of providing a nurturing, healthy and safe environment for a minor.

In addition to visiting the intended parents’ home directly, the home study might also include interviews with prospective parents and others living in that same home, review of references from the prospective parents – including personal references and employers, verification and employment and income, and health assessments of the parents.

Before a placement can occur in the state of New Jersey, a thorough home study assessment needs to be completed. This needs to be done for all private adoptions done on an interstate basis as well. Families that are looking to adopt a child who is currently in state custody will have to go through a more comprehensive education and home study process.

Any adoptive family that will ultimately finalize their adoption through the courts within New Jersey will also have to undergo criminal background checks with your individual state of residence and the FBI. Child abuse registry checks are also completed through your current state of residence and any location in which you or the other adopted parent have lived in within the last five years. It is strongly recommended to work with an experienced New Jersey adoption attorney whether you intend to adopt domestically in private placement or through a private agency adoption. The right attorney can provide you with further insight about how the home study works and what you can do to prepare.

Given that this a nerve wracking and exciting time for the adoptive parents, the insight of a lawyer who is dedicated to working for your best interests, can be extremely valuable. To get your questions answered promptly, schedule a consultation with an experienced New Jersey adoption lawyer today.

Contact Our Office

To set up an appointment, call us in Haddonfield at 856-429-5005 or in Woodbury at 856-845-2555. We can also be reached in Philadelphia at 215-563-2150 or by e-mail.

How to Choose the Right Professional or Adoption Agency to Assist You

Choosing an Adoption Agency

When you or you and a partner intend to adopt a child, you need to select the right people to support you throughout the process. This can be an overwhelming and complex procedure if you are not familiar with how to proceed.

What to Look for in Putting Together a Team for Adoption

The right adoption professional in conjunction with the other people you use to support your growing family such as an adoption attorney can make a significant impact over how you feel about the experience and your ability to move through the process with minimal stress and confusion. Furthermore, finding the appropriate adoption professional to work with you can increase your chances of a powerful and positive adoption experience.

Whether you are working with an adoption attorney, an adoption agency or a facilitator for adoption, the right professional can help you avoid risks of adoption such as scams and disruption. There are thousands of different adoption agencies across the country, but there are certain steps you can follow to ensure you are working with the right one.

The first step is to engage in research. Remember that how you choose to adopt will require different adoption professionals. Make sure you begin making phone calls and call around until you find someone you are confident in working with. You should also be highly prepared for adoption interviews.

Be Prepared with What You’ll Need to Provide

Certain adoption professionals might ask you direct questions about your personal history, finances, lifestyle, health, career, and education. It may be hard to disclose this information over the phone, but remember that it is part of the adoption process. This is also a chance for you to interview the professional you are thinking about working with. Do this by asking questions.

Know the Fees Upfront for Adoption

Getting the critical information such as how much it will cost and when these fees are due can give you a better overview of what to expect. One powerful way to ensure you are working with the right adoption professional is to look for a positive proof.

Make Sure You Read Reviews

Start looking for reputable reviews of adoptions, whether successful or unsuccessful.

Third party validation associated with the adoption professional you are working with is highly valuable to ensure that you are being discriminating enough to find the right person. This process is known as doing your due diligence. Just as the adoption professionals will be looking carefully at you and your loved ones as you move through the process, you need to ensure you have selected the right person to work with you. You can:

  • Check directly with better business peers to see if complaints have been lodged against the organization.
  • Join parent support groups to find previous clients of the agencies you are looking into.
  • Review online comments and testimonials about the company.

There are also warning signs to be aware of as you move forward with an adoption. First of all, does what the company offer seem too good to be true or do they have no affiliations with other reputable and other professional organizations? If the company engages in questionable behavior like asking for the fees to be paid upfront or refusing to provide you with an itemized list of what’s required from you over the course of the process, you may wish to avoid working with this particular adoption professional. The right adoption attorney is a significant benefit to you as you go throughout the process to minimize your own stress and anxiety.

Contact Our Office

To set up an appointment, call us in Haddonfield at 856-429-5005 or in Woodbury at 856-845-2555. We can also be reached in Philadelphia at 215-563-2150 or by e-mail.

When Should You Tell Your Child about Adoption?

When Should You Tell Your Child about Adoption?

Among adoptive parents, it’s common to feel a great deal of anxiety about the whole idea of telling your child that he or she was adopted. Accordingly, it can be easy to ignore the issue. But it’s never a good idea to choose not to tell your child. But when should you start talking about it? The best answer—as soon as they start asking about it and no later than middle childhood. Though there’s no hard and fast rule, as every situation is different, your child should know about the adoption before he or she starts middle school or junior high, but preferably much sooner.

The First Questions

It’s not uncommon for children to start asking questions about babies long before they start school. This can be the ideal time to start an initial introduction to the idea of adoption. Children don’t have any expectation that they must have come from your womb, so it doesn’t have to seem wrong or unusual that they were born to someone else, but are a part of your family.

The first discussion may be nothing more than “babies are born to women” and “you were not born to us.” You may also say that many children don’t live with the parents to whom they were born. Your child may or may not ask questions—let them. Try as best you can to answer the questions honestly, using simple and direct language. Let your child know that his birthparent loved him, but was unable to take care of him. Also tell him how much you wanted him. You can also talk a little bit about the process of bringing him home.

When Your Child Goes to School

Once your child starts school and starts to socialize on a regular basis, things will change dramatically. Your child will have greater exposure to other children and their families, and, if you haven’t talked about the adoption, may start to sense that he or she is different. In addition, your child will quickly learn to pick up cues from you and others, things they may not have noticed or understood before, that will cause them to wonder about themselves. Parents of their friends may unwittingly disclose the adoption to their children, so that your child becomes the target of taunts or learns of the adoption from someone else.

Contact Our Office

To set up an appointment, call us in Haddonfield at 856-429-5005 or in Woodbury at 856-845-2555. We can also be reached in Philadelphia at 215-563-2150 or by e-mail.

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