Greg Sutphin

The Adopted Child: Peers and Society

The Adopted Child in Society—No Longer a Stigma Attached

Not so long ago, adopted children were viewed somewhat as social outcasts—the perception often being that they were “illegitimate” or “bastards.” In fact, until the advent of so-called open adoptions, even adoption professionals took a pretty secretive approach to the process. Often, parents would hide the fact from others, even from the adopted children. The secrecy that surrounded the process in many ways fed the societal stigma that an adopted child was “from the other side of the tracks.” Open adoption has changed all that.

With an open adoption, the birth parents and the adoptive parents have the opportunity to meet and get to know each other, and can decide what type of relationship they want after the child is placed. Often, the adoptive parents will choose to perpetuate some form of contact between the child and his or her biological parent. The child then knows from an early age that he or she is adopted. Friends, family and others openly acknowledge and discuss the adoption, so it simply becomes a part of life.

In addition to removing the stigma attached to adoption, the move toward more open adoptions has also allowed children of adoption to have a stronger sense of their identities as they grow. In the past, a child of adoption would have no family history to relate to others. With open adoption, many adoptees can look to the histories of both adoptive and biological families.

Contact Adoption Attorneys Cofsky & Zeidman, LLC

At the law office of Cofsky & Zeidman, LLC, our lawyers bring more than 25 years of experience to every matter we handle. Attorney Donald C. Cofsky has personally handled more than 1,500 adoption proceedings since joining the bar in 1974. Attorney Bruce D. Zeidman has protected the interests of clients in state and federal courts in New Jersey and Pennsylvania since 1984. We understand the challenges you face, and can help you identify all your options so that you can make good decisions that are in your best long-term interests.

Contact our office online or call us at (856) 429-5005 in Haddonfield, NJ, at (856) 429-5005 in Woodbury, NJ, or in Philadelphia, PA, at (856) 429-5005.

Counselors, Lawyers and Doctors in the Adoption Process

The Importance of Counseling in the Adoption Process

An adoption is a monumental event in the lives of the child, the birthparents and the adoptive parents. It’s not a decision to be made lightly, and probably not a process to experience without some form of counseling.

Counseling for Adoptive Parents

Many adoptive parents, unfortunately, fail to perceive that some form of counseling prior to, during and even after an adoption may be extremely helpful. A lot will simply say that they want to have a family, can’t do so biologically, so this is what they must do. But a number of unanswered questions can remain:

Have you grieved your inability to have children biologically? For many women, this involves a tremendous sense of loss. If you don’t take the time to fully grieve that loss, you will still feel it when you bring home your adopted child. This can have negative consequences. You may see your adopted child as less than what you might have had biologically. You may even convey to your child the sense that they are something you settled for.
Do you have a healthy relationship with your spouse? Far too many children are brought into the world and into homes because parents believe they will solve marital problems. They don’t. Most of the time, they only elevate the tensions.
Do you or your spouse have other emotional or psychological problems that will negatively affect the child? Everyone has issues, but if your spouse is abusive or you have substance abuse problems, bringing a child in won’t help.

Counseling for Biological Parents

The decision to give up a child for adoption can have a devastating effect on a parent. A birthparent can benefit immensely from a structured counseling program that helps them identify where they’ve been, where they are headed, and how to move toward a more fulfilling life. It is common throughout the process of an adoption for a birth mother to have conflicting sentiments—the desire to do what’s best for the unborn child, and the desire not to “abandon” the child. A professional counselor can help a birthmother objectively view the situation and put all her feeling in perspective.

Contact Adoption Attorneys Cofsky & Zeidman, LLC

Contact our office online or call us at (856) 429-5005 in Haddonfield, NJ, at (856) 429-5005 in Woodbury, NJ, or in Philadelphia, PA, at (856) 429-5005.

Relationships in Open Adoption

Open Adoption—The Option to Maintain Regular Contact

For many, the idea of an open adoption is a little unnerving. Adoptive parents fear that they’ll continually run into the birth parents at the mall or the grocery store, and that children will have a difficult time understanding that their adoptive home is now their home. Studies show, though, that open adoption has, for the most part, improved the lives of adoptees.

Advocates of open adoption point to a number of factors that suggest that open adoptions are not such a strange concept. They argue that essentially what has happened is that the child’s number of relatives has increased because of the adoption. They point out that this happens in many other ways, including marriage and childbirth. Some studies show that adoptive parents often relate better to birthparents than they do to their own siblings, parents or other blood relatives, contending that birthparent-adoptive parent relationships are made by choice, whereas blood family ties are not. This, they suggest, stems from the fact that birth mothers tend to choose adoptive parents with whom they have similarities.

The relationships between adoptive children, birthparents and adoptive parents can take a variety of forms in an open adoption, as agreed upon by the parties. Some maintain regular contact, but others only see each other on birthdays or other designated days.

Contact Adoption Attorneys Cofsky & Zeidman, LLC

Contact our office online or call us at (856) 429-5005 in Haddonfield, NJ, at (856) 429-5005 in Woodbury, NJ, or in Philadelphia, PA, at (856) 429-5005.

New Jersey Enacts Law Allowing Adoptees Access to Birth Certificate

New Jersey Law Grants Adoptees Right to Birth Certificate

More than 70 years ago, the New Jersey legislature passed a law sealing the birth records of anyone who had been adopted, claiming that it needed to be done to protect the rights of birth mothers. However, as adoption has lost a lot of its social stigma and more and more adoptees have sought to connect with birthparents, for health or other reasons, advocates have sought to repeal the law and allow adoptees to obtain original copies of their birth records. They have finally succeeded.

In May, 2014, Governor Chris Christie signed a bill into law that will allow any of the following parties to request an uncertified copy of an adoptee’s birth certificate:

The adoptee
A direct descendant of the adoptee
An adoptive parent
A legal guardian or representative of the adoptee
A state or federal agency

The law will go into effect in 2017. Until then, an adoptee may obtain an original birth certificate only by court order.

The repeal of the law had met with significant resistance from anti-abortion and pro-life groups, who feared that, without the confidentiality formerly granted, fewer women would be willing to put a child up for adoption and would instead opt for abortion.

Contact Adoption Attorneys Cofsky & Zeidman, LLC

Contact our office online or call us at (856) 429-5005 in Haddonfield, NJ, at (856) 429-5005 in Woodbury, NJ, or in Philadelphia, PA, at (856) 429-5005.

Review of Post-Adoption Services in the United States

Post-Adoption Services in the United States

Though many adoptive parents might initially disagree, the period leading up to an adoption is often perceived as perhaps the easiest part of the process. While the matching of adoptive parents to child has a significant impact on the ultimate success of the adoption process, post-adoption services, such as counseling, can be critical to the adjustment and well-being of parents and child.

In a recent study by the Donaldson Adoption Institute, researchers looked at the different types of post-adoption services offered across the United States, including who is eligible to receive them and how they are funded. Specifically, the study evaluated:

The types of educational programs and materials available
Information and referral programs
Therapeutic and counseling opportunities
Residential services
Support mechanisms
Advocacy programs

Forty nine states participated in the study. Researchers found that nearly 75% (36 of the 49) had at least mid-level services, whereas 17 states had developed a number of the above services. Thirteen states had no special services for adoptive families other than an adoption tax credit or subsidy.

The study also found that the majority of states—28—only offered post-adoption services to families who had adopted children through a foster care program.

Contact Adoption Attorneys Cofsky & Zeidman, LLC

Contact our office online or call us at (856) 429-5005 in Haddonfield, NJ, at (856) 429-5005 in Woodbury, NJ, or in Philadelphia, PA, at (856) 429-5005.

Characteristics of Adopted Children and Stepchildren

Census Statistics Show Characteristics of Adopted Children and Stepchildren

Approximately 4.5 million children in the United States live either as adopted children or as stepchildren. In the latest U.S. Census report, considerable information was gathered about those children.

There does not appear to be an appreciable difference geographically regarding the adoption of children. The percentage ranged from 2.2 to 2.5 percent of children across the various regions. The states with the lowest percentages of adoptees were California, New York, New Jersey and Texas, and Alaska led the country in number of adoptees, though officials attribute that to the prevalence of informal adoptions among Native Americans.

One of the more telling statistics of the Census study relates to the gender of adopted children, stepchildren and biological children. For the period from 2009-2011, for every single age group, the number of girls adopted significantly exceeded the number of boys. Among infants, there were 10 girls adopted for every nine boys. Among three year olds, there were less than eight boys adopted for every 10 girls. Even among 16 year olds, where the numbers were the closest. There were 100 girls for every 95 or so boys.

The numbers were almost exactly the opposite with respect to stepchildren and biological children. Among one-year-old boys, there were nearly 125 boys taken in as stepchildren to every 100 girls. Only four ages—6,7,8 and 16—had more girls being taken in as stepchildren. And at every age, there were more biological girls in the home than boys.

Contact Adoption Attorneys Cofsky & Zeidman, LLC

Contact our office online or call us at (856) 429-5005 in Haddonfield, NJ, at (856) 429-5005 in Woodbury, NJ, or in Philadelphia, PA, at (856) 429-5005.

Federal Laws Related to Adoption

Federal Laws Governing Adoptions—The Interstate Compact on the Placement of Children

Though most laws governing child welfare are enacted by the state, there are federal laws and regulations that affect adoption. One of the most important is the Interstate Compact on the Placement of Children (the “ICPC”).

An Overview of the ICPC

The ICPC was enacted to address situations where the birthparents live in one state and the adoptive parents live in another state. It does not apply when all parties reside in the same state.

Under the ICPC, every state is required to have a state-operated agency that reviews and approves interstate adoptions. When a child born in one state will go to live with a family in another state, the ICPC offices in both states must review the proposed placement and approve the adoption before the child can leave his or her home state. Agencies contemplating interstate placements must meet specific guidelines, set forth in Regulation 12, including:

The submission of all relevant information about the child, the birthparents or guardians, the agency to who the child will be delivered; and a statement of the reasons why the child will be place in the new home
The assumption of legal responsibility during placement
The assumption of financial responsibility, unless the birthparents and adoptive parents have signed a binding contract governing financial responsibility

In addition, the sending agency (the agency in the home state of the child) must obtain relinquishment of parental rights, and must provide the receiving state ICPC office with:

A copy of the court order granting the sending agency the authority to place the child
A current case history of the child
Verification of compliance with the Indian Child Welfare Act
A copy of the most recent home study for the adoptive family

Before the child may travel to the adoptive parents’ state, the ICPC office in that state must provide the sending agency written notice that placement does not appear to be contrary to the perceived best interests of the child.

Contact Adoption Attorneys Cofsky & Zeidman, LLC

Contact our office online or call us at (856) 429-5005 in Haddonfield, NJ, at (856) 429-5005 in Woodbury, NJ, or in Philadelphia, PA, at (856) 429-5005.

The Adoption Process—An Overview

The Steps to a Successful Adoption

If you’re seriously thinking about adopting a child, here are some of the things you’ll want or need to do to improve your chances of a successful adoption:

Learn as much as you can about the adoption process: You’ll have lots of options—domestic vs. international adoption, open vs. closed adoption, special needs adoptions. Check out adoption agency websites, look for books and magazines—you may even want to participate in an adoption support group.
Select an agency: You can adopt without an agency, but the process can be complex and an agency will be able to help you move more smoothly toward your goal. It’s best to look at more than one potential agency. Ask about fees, how long the process will take, if the agency specializes in certain types of children.
Complete a home study: An agency will require a home study, an assessment of your fitness to be a parent. The agency will visit your home, gather income information, and obtain background checks.
Locate a child—Your agency will typically handle this, although you can customarily be involved in the search. Adoption agencies typically work with both adoptive parents and birth parents, so they usually have a network to help locate a child.
Finalize your adoption—In a domestic adoption, your child customarily comes into your home before the adoption is finalized. You then file an intent to adopt, which is approved by the court. In most international adoptions, you must formally complete the adoption before the child can leave his or her home country.

Contact Adoption Attorneys Cofsky & Zeidman, LLC

Contact our office online or call us at (856) 429-5005 in Haddonfield, NJ, at (856) 429-5005 in Woodbury, NJ, or in Philadelphia, PA, at (856) 429-5005.

Breaking Adoption Stereotypes

Overcoming the “Perfect Family” Myth in Adoption

Many prospective adoptive parents have an inordinate fear of the process, worried that they won’t be perceived by birth parents or agency workers as suitable parents. The reality, however, is that there is no such thing as the “perfect family” or the “perfect parent.”

The most prevalent misconception is that adoption agencies seek to place children in a very specific type of family. In adoption proceedings today, however, most agencies try to place a child in a situation where they will have the best opportunity to thrive and become a well-adjusted member of society. As a result, most agencies don’t discriminate based solely on:

Marital status—It is becoming more and more common for single parents to adopt, provided they can demonstrate that they’ll be able to meet the needs of the child.
Sexual orientation—Many adoption agencies place children with gay and lesbian parents, either as couples or single parents.
Disability—The Americans With Disabilities Act offers protections to prospective parents with physical challenges.
Race—Adoption agencies are not averse to placing children with parents of a different race or ethnicity.
Gender—Most adoption agencies will equally consider men with women as adoptive parents
Age—Though most adoptive parents are between the ages of 25 and 50, many agencies will go outside of those informal limits, often depending on the age of the child.
Size of family—Having children, or even a large family, won’t necessarily disqualify you from eligibility to adopt.

The other false belief is that adoption is only for wealthy individuals. There is no requirement that you own your house, or that you have a specific income level. There’s no requirement that only one parent work outside the home. An adoption agency won’t require you to prove that you have the money to pay for the adoption before you initiate the process. There are tax incentives, grants, and other types of financial assistance available.

Contact Adoption Attorneys Cofsky & Zeidman, LLC

Contact our office online or call us at (856) 429-5005 in Haddonfield, NJ, at (856) 429-5005 in Woodbury, NJ, or in Philadelphia, PA, at (856) 429-5005.

Parenting an Adopted Child

So you’re thinking of adopting a child, or you are already in the midst of the adoption process. You may wonder whether parenting an adopted child differs significantly from parenting a biological child. The answer, according to most experts—in most ways, it doesn’t, but there are some unique issues you will need to watch out for and to which you’ll want to appropriately respond.

An adopted child has all of the same needs as a biological child—the need to love and be loved, to feel a basic sense of security, to learn limits and structure, to develop self-esteem and a sense of responsibility. So in many ways, parenting an adopted child is really just parenting a child, one who happens to be adopted.

At some point, though, you will need to tell your child about the adoption. How and when you do that can have a significant impact on your child’s emotional health. Experts recommend that you start talking to your child about adoption from the time he or she can walk and talk. They won’t really understand what adoption means, but they’ll be familiar with the word, so that it will be easier to go into more detail as they grow older. Telling the story on a regular basis is considered healthy for the child, as it facilitates acceptance. When you tell your child about the adoption, you don’t accomplish any positive objective by demeaning or speaking negatively about the birth parent.

It’s also important to understand that, even if you haven’t told your child that he or she is adopted, or you don’t talk about it on a regular basis, your child actually experienced loss, even if he or she was an infant when the adoption took place.

Contact Adoption Attorneys Cofsky & Zeidman, LLC

Contact our office online or call us at (856) 429-5005 in Haddonfield, NJ, at (856) 429-5005 in Woodbury, NJ, or in Philadelphia, PA, at (856) 429-5005.

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