Adopting Older Children: What to Know
Adopting an older child can be one of the most rewarding things a family can do. These kids bring their own life stories, and many are strong and full of personality. They may have been through tough times, but with the right care, they can grow and thrive.
Why Older Children Wait Longer for Adoption
According to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, over 400,000 children are currently in foster care. Many of them are older than six. Sadly, older children often wait much longer to find a family. They might live in many different homes before someone adopts them. This can make it hard for them to feel safe and settled. But these kids still need and deserve a forever home.
What Makes It Hard
Adopting an older child comes with challenges. Many have faced trauma, neglect, or loss. These experiences can affect how they trust others or connect emotionally. Some children may act out or shut down at first. This is often because of fear or a lack of stability. They may need counseling, support at school, or routines to help them adjust. With love, patience, and time, many children open up. They can learn to trust and build strong bonds.
Why It’s Worth It
Even with the challenges, many parents say adopting an older child is deeply fulfilling. These children often crave connection. They already have their own likes, dislikes, and personalities. Watching them grow, smile, and succeed brings real joy. Every step forward—making a friend, doing well in school, or gaining confidence—is something to celebrate.
Getting Ready
Preparation is key. Parents should learn about trauma, mental health needs, and school supports. Knowing the child’s background helps you meet their needs. A stable home with clear rules and open talk gives children what they need to succeed. Joining a support group or taking classes can also help.
Learning and Behavior
Some older adoptees struggle in school. They might need tutoring or help with behavior. They may also need time to get used to a new classroom or routine.
Parents should expect ups and downs. Structure, honest conversations, and therapy can make a big difference. Over time, most children make big strides with the right care.
Health and Emotions
Older children might have health problems or missing medical records. Seeing a doctor early on is important.
They may also struggle with who they are or how they see themselves. Talking about adoption, offering love, and letting them share their feelings helps them feel safe.
Culture and Identity
Many older kids come from different cultural backgrounds. Respecting their roots helps them feel proud and connected. Learn about their traditions, celebrate special holidays, and talk about their culture.
This shows that their past matters—and that they matter.
Legal Steps
Adoption is a legal process. It includes ending previous parental rights, court hearings, and paperwork. Older children may have more legal history, so working with a skilled lawyer is very important.
Handling the Paperwork
There’s a lot of paperwork—from home studies to court reports. A good attorney can help make sure everything is right and on time. Mistakes can cause delays, so legal help is key.
Long-Term Support Matters
Adoption doesn’t stop when papers are signed. Families need ongoing support. That can include peer groups, therapy, or parenting classes. These resources help families feel less alone and more prepared.
The more parents learn about trauma and child behavior, the better they can help their child grow.
Why Stability Counts
Research shows that stable, loving homes help adopted kids do better in life. They do better in school, make friends, and feel good about themselves. With time and care, they can heal and thrive.
You Don’t Have to Do It Alone
If you’re thinking about adopting an older child, make sure you have legal support. It’s not just helpful—it’s necessary. A good lawyer can protect your rights and guide you every step of the way.
With over 25 years of experience, the Law Office of Cofsky & Zeidman, LLC has helped more than 1,500 families through adoption. Attorney Donald C. Cofsky and his team guide families through agency, private, stepparent, and international adoptions, as well as contested cases. Their support includes managing adoption expenses, completing home studies, and preparing families for court proceedings.
To learn how Cofsky & Zeidman can help your family, contact their office online or call (856) 429-5005 in Haddonfield, (856) 845-2555 in Woodbury, or (215) 563-2150 in Philadelphia. Legal confidence gives families peace of mind—so they can focus on what matters most: building a loving, lasting home.