Archives for April 2022

What Is the Difference Between Adoption and Surrogacy?

What to Know When Choosing Between Adoption and Surrogacy

Each year in the United States, about 135,000 children are adopted. Excluding step-parent adoptions, about 59% of adoptions are from the foster care system. Surrogacy is another way to add to your family, and each year, about 18,000 babies are born through this method.

Genetics

Some families choose surrogacy because of genetics. If one or both parents have a strong desire for their genetics to be passed on through a biological child, surrogacy provides this option. Prospective parents can have their eggs and sperm tested in order to find out whether or not their child will be affected by a genetic condition, such as Down syndrome. Eggs and sperm can be selected based on these criteria, and then, the fertilized egg can be implanted into the surrogate. With adoption, a mother may not be sure of who fathered her child. Even when the father is certain, natural pregnancy means that a child could have a genetic disorder through chance.

Types of Surrogacy and Adoption

With surrogacy, a woman can donate her eggs, and a man can donate his sperm. In a heterosexual couple, both of them can be the biological parents, and the surrogate is a gestational carrier. There’s also an option for the surrogate to be artificially inseminated by the male’s sperm. Alternatively, a sperm donor can be used for fertilizing the woman’s egg before it’s implanted into the surrogate mother. With adoption, the process can be open or closed, so you may or may not know the child’s parentage.

Costs

Both adoption and surrogacy can be expensive. Surrogacy tends to be the costlier of the two choices. In most cases, the biological parents will enter into a legal agreement to pay for the surrogate’s prenatal care, labor and delivery costs, postpartum costs and pregnancy-related expenses, such as the purchase of maternity clothing. Surrogates also typically receive a base payment in addition to the pregnancy, labor and delivery-related expenses.

In many cases, adoption agencies or agents will charge a fee for their services, as will an attorney. Prospective parents may also need to pay fees for social workers, home inspectors and psychological evaluations of their fitness to become adoptive parents. A New Jersey adoption attorney can help you understand the costs of both surrogacy and adoption.

Control

Surrogacy provides prospective parents with more control over the growth of their family. Although there is no guarantee that implantation of the fertilized egg will lead to a full-term pregnancy and birth of a child, the prospective parents can choose the hospital where the baby will be born, and they know they will be taking the baby home once the child is discharged by the doctor.

With adoption, prospective parents have less control. An adoptive mother can change her mind at any time. She may not go to prenatal care appointments. If she’s not invested in the pregnancy, she may not follow medical guidelines for taking care of herself or her growing child.

Wait Time

The adoption process may take years. Prospective parents may find a biological mother or be matched to a mother only to have her change her mind once the baby is born, and the whole process must start over again. Prospective parents may not be selected by the biological mother for a variety of reasons. In some cases, the biological father may initiate court proceedings to obtain custody of the child, and the hopeful adoptive parents have no recourse.

With surrogacy, once the surrogate signs the legal paperwork, the process of implanting a fertilized egg may start. Once the surrogate is determined to be pregnant, the prospective parents will have a clear timeline as to when the baby will be born.

For more information, contact our Haddonfield office at (856) 429-5005. You may also fill out our online contact form, and one of our office associates will reach out to you to schedule a consultation with our New Jersey adoption attorney.

Is It Better to Adopt a Child Older or Younger Than Your Current Ones?

Do Children Prefer Older or Younger Adoptive Siblings?

One common reason that people adopt is because they want their current child to have another sibling. While this is certainly admirable, it can be tough to ensure that all your children get along with each other. Carefully considering the adoptive child’s age can help, but there are a few things to know before you decide.

Adopting an Infant Is Not Always the Easiest Choice

Many parents think that an infant adoption will be the most convenient choice because it mimics normal birth order. It is true that adopting a baby allows older siblings to have the typical experience of parents bringing home a new baby brother or sister. However, an infant takes up a lot of your time. You will need to provide round-the-clock care and sacrifice sleep time to ensure that the baby’s needs are met. In any family, this can be a tough time where older siblings feel like they’re being neglected. If your current children are already feeling sensitive about the subject of adoption, a new sibling who will be attached to their parents 24/7 can worsen insecurities.

Adopting Older Children May Come With Potential Issues

There can be many benefits to adopting a child older than your other children. However, parents also need to be realistic when adopting an older child. The unfortunate reality is that many children who are adopted at an older age have experienced a lot of trauma. This doesn’t necessarily mean that they’ll struggle to fit into the family and bond with their other siblings. However, it can impact their ability to relate to other children. You always need to approach the experience thoughtfully and closely consider how any past trauma may impact children’s interactions.

Age Doesn’t Tell You Everything About a Child’s Behavior

Keep in mind that there is no specific guarantee that a child of a certain age will act a certain way. Every child grows at a different rate and has different strengths. Even one who seems very mature in certain areas can have other areas where they struggle. It’s important to be flexible when adopting. Instead of telling your New Jersey adoption lawyer that you only want to adopt a specific age, try to take the time to get to know children of multiple ages. This can help you find the individual who’s right for your family instead of just picking someone who meets strict criteria about ages.

It’s Important to Take Your Children’s Personalities Into Account

Of course, not all children will have the same reaction to other children. Some kids might want a little sibling who they can care for and teach new things while others might want someone their own age to be a playmate. If you are considering adoption, it’s worthwhile to sit down and talk with your children about what age to adopt. You should also pay attention to the things that you’ve noticed about your current children. For example, a child who wants a lot of attention might prefer an older sibling. Taking everyone’s personalities into account can often have the best outcome for everyone.

Remember That It Takes Time to Adjust

In any family, the time immediately following the adoption can be difficult. Parents might be baffled to learn that their child who begged for a little sister is suddenly resentful of their new sibling’s childish behavior. In these cases, it’s easy to assume that you might’ve selected the wrong age. However, the reality is that there’s no foolproof combination of ages. It will always take time for everyone to get used to their new role in the family. Try not to get disappointed or frustrated if any of your children act out a little. It’s perfectly normal for everyone to need time to adjust. As each child matures and everyone bonds, things are likely to settle down.

Contact Us

For more help with adoption, turn to Cofsky & Zeidman. We provide compassionate adoption assistance in Haddonfield and the surrounding areas. Call 856-429-5005 or fill out our contact form to learn more about our New Jersey adoption lawyer services.

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