Archives for November 2021

Is Adoption or Surrogacy Right for You?

Adoption vs. Surrogacy: Weighing the Options

About 2,000 children are typically in New Jersey’s foster care system waiting to be adopted, and the number of surrogacy cases is also skyrocketing. In fact, demand for surrogates is currently outstripping the supply in some areas. However, deciding which alternative family expansion route is right for you can be challenging.

Genetic Connections

Biological connections are sacred to some people. If you’ve always dreamed of having kids with your smile or your partner’s eyes or a laugh like your great aunt Shirley, surrogacy is likely the best choice. This can be tough to admit, but it’s important to be as honest with yourself as possible. After all, if you cannot fully accept a child that doesn’t share a biological link, adoption isn’t a fair or wise choice. Your disappointment may manifest in implicit ways and have a negative psychological impact on the adopted child.

Many couples deciding between adoption and surrogacy often worry that it will be more difficult to “bond” with newborns that don’t share their DNA. This is not the case. Love is love, and the moment adoptive parents clap eyes on their new bundles of joy, the same affectionate feelings and protective instincts kick in, just like biological parents.

Budget Considerations

No matter how it happens, having a baby is expensive. Adopting through a public service can cost anywhere between $1,000 and $15,000, depending on the program and whether or not you choose to use a New Jersey adoption attorney. Private adoptions may cost between $40,000 and $50,000.

Surrogacy is the most expensive option. It usually sets donors back between $75,000 and $150,000 because they’re expected to pay for surrogates’ related medical expenses in addition to compensation for carrying the children. In some situations, couples also pay surrogate living expenses.

When considering your budget, don’t forget to factor in the expense of having a newborn baby and the related equipment. The average middle-class family spends between $20,000 and $50,000 on newborns in their first year of life.

Navigating Relationships

Another dynamic to consider when choosing between surrogacy and adoption is the type of relationship that you want to have with the birth partner. Ask yourself the following questions:

  • Do you want to know the birthing parent or partner?
  • Would you be comfortable maintaining a relationship with the birthing parent after the baby is born?
  • Would you be comfortable with your child having a relationship with a biological parent down the road?
  • Do you want a relationship with the birth partner during pregnancy?
  • How are you planning to discuss your decision with your family, friends, and, eventually, the child?

If you choose to go the adoption route, you may or may not be given information about the biological parents. In days of old, most adoptions were closed, meaning that the birth parents’ identities were never revealed. These days, however, the overwhelming majority of adoptions are open, and birth parents maintain some level of contact with the adoptive parents. Sometimes, the biological parents simply get pictures and updates once a year but never meet the children. Other agreements give the birth parents visitation rights after an adjustment period, which usually lasts several years, so the family has time to bond.

With surrogacy, the relationship typically ends with the gestational carrier after the child is born. Moreover, donor parents usually have a say in certain aspects of the pregnancy. Typical agreements include prohibitions against smoking, drugs, and drinking. Some even include healthy eating guidelines.

Some surrogates, however, are people who are close to the adopting couple, like a sister or close friend. In this case, the surrogate is almost always in the baby’s life as a type of aunt figure who becomes a close part of the baby’s life.

Couples deciding between adoption and surrogacy may benefit from a consultation with New Jersey adoption attorney Donald Cofsky of Cofsky & Zeidman. If you have questions about surrogacy or adoption, contact our Haddonfield office at (856) 429-5005 or our office in Woodbury at (856) 845-2555.

Does the Biological Parent Have to Consent to a Stepparent Adoption?

Can a Biological Parent Block a Stepparent Adoption?

About 5% of all children with a stepparent end up getting adopted by their stepparent. This sort of adoption can be challenging to navigate since it brings up sensitive topics like former relationships and child custody. Whether or not the biological parent consents to the adoption plays a big role in the eventual outcome.

Stepparent Adoption Requires One Parent to Give Up Parental Rights

To understand why consent is such a big issue, it’s necessary to understand New Jersey adoption law. Legally speaking, a child can only have two parents. Therefore, if a stepparent wants to adopt the child, they need more than the consent of the parent they are married to. They also need to be stepping into a role that was vacated by the other parent.

In the simplest cases, this happens due to death. Once one biological parent has died, the spouse of the remaining parent can adopt the children. They could do this even if the deceased parent stated that they did not give consent to an adoption in the past.

If the biological parent is still alive, their consent matters. Without them voluntarily giving up parental rights, it can be very difficult for a stepparent to adopt your child. Even if the biological parent does not have custody, they may still be able to block an adoption.

How to Get Consent for Stepparent Adoption

Most cases of stepparent adoption start with a simple conversation between the child’s current legal parents. If the stepparent and their spouse can convince the other person to give up their rights, the process just involves paperwork. The parent will need to fill out a voluntary surrender of parental rights form and submit it to the court.

To simplify the process, a New Jersey adoption lawyer will usually submit these forms alongside the other adoption forms. Once the surrender of rights form is accepted by the court, it entirely removes any responsibility from the biological parent. They do not have to pay for child support or care for the child. They will also be giving up their rights to see the child or have a say in the child’s upbringing.

How to Finalize an Adoption Without Consent

If a biological parent does not agree to consent, the other parent and their spouse have the option of trying to forcibly remove the parent’s rights. This tends to be a very challenging process. Instead of just filing paperwork, the parents have to go to court and argue their case in front of a judge.

To remove parental rights and clear the way for adoption, they will need to prove the biological parent is an unfit parent. This is very challenging because the burden of proof is on the parents who want to adopt. Most family courts want to preserve parental rights whenever possible, so they are not likely to side with the stepparent unless there is clear proof. Some potential reasons to remove parental rights include:

  • The parent has been convicted of a major crime
  • There is reasonable proof the parent has been abusive
  • The parent has neglected the child when the child was in their care
  • The parent has extensive substance abuse problems and won’t seek treatment
  • The parent has abandoned their child and cannot be found
  • The parent has not made an effort to see or financially support the child

Stepparent adoptions are often portrayed as a simpler type of adoption, but as you can see, there are still a lot of technicalities to consider. If you are involved in a stepparent adoption situation, it’s a good idea to seek legal counsel. As a leading New Jersey adoption lawyer, Donald Cofsky is here to help. The team at Cofsky & Zeidman can assist you with everything from filing legal paperwork to arguing your case in court. We have offices in Haddonfield, Woodbury, and Philadelphia. If you would like to schedule a consultation with us, dial 856-429-5005 or fill out our contact form.

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