What to Do When You Adopt a Child Who Was Neglected in an Orphanage

When you adopt a child who has spent most of his or her life in an orphanage, the risk that the child was neglected or not properly cared for can be significant. Some orphanages simply have more children than they can adequately care for. Some children will be perceived as problem babies and avoided as much as possible by staff, only making the situation worse. Often, these children develop attachment disorders, making it difficult for them to bond with you. In addition, the shame, anger, resentment and sense of isolation they experienced as infants may cause them to act out as they grow up, engaging in behaviors intentionally designed to elicit negative emotions from you.

Dealing with Attachment Disorder

Attachment disorders can often (but not always) be healed, but they are deep-rooted. You must have reasonable expectations, a lot of patience and a willingness to take comfort in small steps forward. Remember that your child does not have any experience with someone not leaving them. Deep down, they have significant trust issues, and likely expect that you will leave them, too. This may cause them to devalue themselves, to assume that no one would want to stay in relationship with them permanently.

The best way to counteract an attachment disorder is to provide stable, consistent and genuine love and affection. You have to expect that it may not be enthusiastically received, or received at all. But you have to keep doing it. And as much as possible, share joy and laughter with your child. The more positive emotional experiences your child has, the more they come to understand that joy and fulfillment can be tied to attachment.

Dealing with a Child Who is Acting Out

Even though it may be difficult for you, it’s important to understand that a child who is acting out is taking positive steps forward. When your child acts out, it’s really their attempt to tell you about emotions they are feeling by getting you to experience the same emotions. If they are angry, they will try to get you to feel angry. If they are sad, they will engage in behavior that they believe will make you sad. It’s generally a good sign, because it indicates that they are trying to deal with the emotion, to get over it.

It’s also important to understand that acting out, especially in an adopted child, is in part an attempt to determine your level of commitment to them. They are essentially asking, “when are you going to abandon me?”

Adoption Attorneys in New Jersey

At the law office of Cofsky & Zeidman, LLC, our lawyers bring more than 25 years of experience to every matter we handle. Attorney Donald C. Cofsky has personally handled more than 1,500 adoption proceedings since joining the bar in 1974. Attorney Bruce D. Zeidman has protected the interests of clients in state and federal courts in New Jersey and Pennsylvania since 1984. We understand the challenges you face, and can help you identify all your options so that you can make good decisions that are in your best long-term interests.

Contact our office online or call us at (856) 429-5005 in Haddonfield, NJ, at (856) 429-5005 in Woodbury, NJ, or in Philadelphia, PA, at (856) 429-5005. We also provide a free initial consultation in personal injury and workers’ compensation matters.

Attachment Issues in Adopted Children

We all strive for a deep connection with our children. When they are adopted, though, that can be difficult. Many adopted children, especially those who have spent time in orphanages, develop attachment disorders, mostly as a result of not having a stable and significant person with whom they could bond during formative periods.

The Causes of Attachment Issues

Attachment disorders typically stem from repeated instances of abandonment, isolation, or neglect. Though children in orphanages may have greater susceptibility to these behaviors, any child can develop attachments issues. Here are some of the common causes:

• The parent of a child may have mental health issues or substance abuse problems, preventing the parent from being available to the child during the first few months or years of life.
• A child may be physically abused, leading a child to associate attachment with harm
• A child may be hungry, wet or cry for any reason, and receive no attention for extended periods of time
• Parents may be inconsistent in their care of the child, vacillating between periods of neglect and periods of doting
• The child may have had too many caregivers, making it difficult or impossible to bond to one

The Telltale Signs of Attachment Disorder

In most instances, the sooner you recognize and respond to potential attachment issues, the greater the likelihood of overcoming them. Here are some of the classic symptoms of attachment disorder:

• Your child continually cries and cannot be consoled
• Your child does not try to verbalize or make sounds
• There’s no eye contact, and your child’s attention does not change when you move
• Your child shows no interest in playing with toys, and does not engage in any play with you
• Your child does not seek or demand to be picked up or to have contact with you
• Your child does not smile

Some general behaviors characteristic of attachment disorder include:

• Lack of care and compassion in play or in interactions with others
• Absence of remorse, guilt or learning from mistakes
• Aggressive behavior toward others
• Attempts to control others and to challenge authority
• An unwillingness to be touched or to show physical affection

Adoption Attorneys in New Jersey

At the law office of Cofsky & Zeidman, LLC, our lawyers bring more than 25 years of experience to every matter we handle. Attorney Donald C. Cofsky has personally handled more than 1,500 adoption proceedings since joining the bar in 1974. Attorney Bruce D. Zeidman has protected the interests of clients in state and federal courts in New Jersey and Pennsylvania since 1984. We understand the challenges you face, and can help you identify all your options so that you can make good decisions that are in your best long-term interests.

Contact our office online or call us at (856) 429-5005 in Haddonfield, NJ, at (856) 429-5005 in Woodbury, NJ, or in Philadelphia, PA, at (856) 429-5005. We also provide a free initial consultation in personal injury and workers’ compensation matters.

Ethical Concerns in an Adoption Proceeding

Doing the Right Thing When You Adopt a Child

In many ways, adoption is big business. Adoptive parents will spend a lot of money to get the child they want. Unfortunately, when there’s a lot of money involved, the best interests of everyone involved can be forgotten or ignored. Adoption is more than creating a happy new family by the addition of a child. The birth parents can be easily exploited and feel a tremendous sense of loss. Adopted children can feel abandoned and develop attachment issues. The needs and concerns of all three parties—birthparents, adoptive parents and the adoptee—need to be considered. Here are some ethical guidelines for adoption.

The Birthparents

Birthparents who consider adoption and seek information on adoption are generally under a great deal of stress. Adoption professionals need to be very clear about all the options available, carefully and honestly describing the advantages and disadvantages of each option. If the birthparent opts to place the child up for adoption, the adoption professional should make certain they understand the different types of adoptions—public and private, open and closed. Before making a final decision, a birthparent should know whether they will know who the adoptive parents are and where they live, as well as whether there will be any continuing contact with the child.

Birthparents should also be educated about the potential emotional consequences of putting a child up for adoption. Birthparent may experience a broad spectrum of emotions, from loss and grief to guilt, shame or low self-esteem. Adoption professionals should make certain that birthparents have information about support groups, counseling and other resources to deal with post-adoption challenges.

The Child

In all adoptions, the primary goal and the focal point should be the best interests of the child. Adoption professionals should clearly determine the needs of the child, and work to implement an adoption that will best meet the child’s needs.

Studies indicate that the best interests of the child are best-served in a permanent home, where the child will receive consistent and loving care. If that can be done in the birthparents’ home, adoption professionals should support keeping a child with birthparents, particularly if there are siblings with whom the child has established a bond. If it’s clear that staying with birthparents is not in the child’s best interests, the adoption professional should seek a permanent placement as soon as possible, to minimize the potential negative impact on the emotional growth of the child. In addition, if the child has siblings, all efforts should be made to keep siblings together.

The Adopting Parent(s)

Adopting parents can just as easily be exploited, as the desire to have a child can blind them to the realities of the situation. Adoption professionals should clearly explain the different types of adoption proceedings, making certain that adoptive parents know that they can use different agencies, or can adopt without the assistance of an agency. All potential costs should be disclosed up front, and adoptive parents should clearly understand if there will be any communication or contact with the birthparent after the adoption is finalized. Adoptive parents should also be educated about potential emotional challenges the child may face, including acting out and attachment disorders.

Adoption Attorneys in New Jersey

At the law office of Cofsky & Zeidman, LLC, our lawyers bring more than 25 years of experience to every matter we handle. Attorney Donald C. Cofsky has personally handled more than 1,500 adoption proceedings since joining the bar in 1974. Attorney Bruce D. Zeidman has protected the interests of clients in state and federal courts in New Jersey and Pennsylvania since 1984. We understand the challenges you face, and can help you identify all your options so that you can make good decisions that are in your best long-term interests.

Contact our office online or call us at (856) 429-5005 in Haddonfield, NJ, at (856) 429-5005 in Woodbury, NJ, or in Philadelphia, PA, at (856) 429-5005. We also provide a free initial consultation in personal injury and workers’ compensation matters.

Several years ago United States citizens adopted about 22,000 children from foreign countries in the space of one year. That number has been decreasing at a very rapid rate and in 2013 there were over 7,000 international adoptions.

There are a number of reasons this has occurred. One involves the participation of the United States in the Hague Treaty involving international adoption. Many of the safeguards that have been put into place to prevent child trafficking have actually made it more difficult to adopt children who are available for adoption and are languishing in orphanages in foreign countries. In fact, many U.S. adoption organizations as well as the American Academy of Adoptions Attorneys had written Secretary of State John Kerry asking him to take whatever steps were needed to improve the processing of these adoptions so as to advance the best interest of these children.

Senator Mary Landrieu of Louisiana has been instrumental in the drafting of a bi-partisan bill known as CHIFF (Children in Families First) which may help remedy this problem and streamline the processing of international adoptions, while nevertheless making sure that everything is being done as per all international and US law.

Because of the decrease in foreign placements, many families that are looking to form their families through adoption and had been considering international adoption, have now focused on domestic placements. Anyone who is considering adopting would be well served by dealing either with a reputable licensed local adoption agency and/or an experienced adoption attorney such as one of the Fellows of our academy, the American Academy of Adoption Attorneys.

Adoption Attorneys in New Jersey

At the law office of Cofsky & Zeidman, LLC, our lawyers bring more than 25 years of experience to every matter we handle. Attorney Donald C. Cofsky has personally handled more than 1,500 adoption proceedings since joining the bar in 1974. Attorney Bruce D. Zeidman has protected the interests of clients in state and federal courts in New Jersey and Pennsylvania since 1984. We understand the challenges you face, and can help you identify all your options so that you can make good decisions that are in your best long-term interests.

Contact our office online or call us at (856) 429-5005 in Haddonfield, NJ, at (856) 429-5005 in Woodbury, NJ, or in Philadelphia, PA, at (856) 429-5005. We also provide a free initial consultation in personal injury and workers’ compensation matters.

Taking Care of Your Grandchildren: Custody, Adoption and Guardianship

If your adult children don’t have the capacity to care for their minor children, you may be contemplating asking the court to give you legal responsibility and rights to raise your grandchildren.

One option is to seek custody of your grandchildren, so that they will legally reside with you. You can obtain custody if the parents voluntarily grant it, or you can petition the court to give you custody. In custody arrangements, the child’s parents still retain some rights regarding the child, including a right to visitation. In addition, grandparents can ask the court to order payment of child support.

Another option is adoption. To legally adopt your grandchildren, you must obtain voluntary or involuntary termination of all parental rights from both parents. The parents will have no right to visitation, but you will not be able to seek child support either.

A third option is guardianship. Guardianship is closer to custody than adoption, and is typically granted when the court determines that the existing parent or legal guardian lacks capacity to take care of and provide for the child. As the guardian of your grandchild, you are charged with providing adequate care, and may also have responsibility for managing any assets of the child. With a guardianship, even though the parents have relinquished most rights, they may still have the right to see their children. In most instances, a guardianship does not allow you to seek child support.

To become the legal guardian of your grandchild, you must file a petition with the court seeking to be appointed guardian. As a general rule, you must state the specific reasons why the parents are not capable of meeting the child’s needs. Ideally, the parents will recognize their inability to care for their children and acknowledge such to the court. If they don’t, you may have to participate in hearings to determine the fitness of the parents.

Adoption Attorneys in New Jersey

At the law office of Cofsky & Zeidman, LLC, our lawyers bring more than 25 years of experience to every matter we handle. Attorney Donald C. Cofsky has personally handled more than 1,500 adoption proceedings since joining the bar in 1974. Attorney Bruce D. Zeidman has protected the interests of clients in state and federal courts in New Jersey and Pennsylvania since 1984. We understand the challenges you face, and can help you identify all your options so that you can make good decisions that are in your best long-term interests.

Contact our office online or call us at (856) 429-5005 in Haddonfield, NJ, at (856) 429-5005 in Woodbury, NJ, or in Philadelphia, PA, at (856) 429-5005. We also provide a free initial consultation in personal injury and workers’ compensation matters.