While adoption brings a lot of benefits to families, the unfortunate reality is that it also increases the child’s risks of mental health problems and attachment issues. To avoid the potential pitfalls of adoption, it is essential to put some extra thought into how you parent adopted children. Here are some of the top tips from adoption and childcare experts.
Be Honest About the Adoption From the Start
Interviews with adult adoptees show that one of the biggest risk factors for adoption trauma is secrecy. When a person has spent their whole life believing one thing, finding out their family lied to them is a huge blow to their sense of self. Adoption advocates encourage parents to always be up front about the situation. Figuring out when to tell your child they’re adopted doesn’t have to be complex. Just start with simple, child-friendly explanations when they first ask where they came from or when they joined your family. By making sure your child always knows their origins, you can avoid unpleasant surprises later on.
Don’t Try to Block Access to Biological Parents
Many adoptive parents feel a sense of resentment toward the idea of their child meeting their biological parents. While this sense of jealousy is natural, it is important to overcome it. Many childcare experts believe that an open adoption is the most effective choice. Try to remember that love is not a finite resource. Your child spending time with their biological parents doesn’t diminish the deep parental bond you have with them. You can still easily maintain boundaries by having a New Jersey adoption lawyer draft a document that addresses things like how often contact takes place or who can initiate contact in your open adoption. No matter what sort of contact you decide on, try to let your child lead the relationship. Listen to them and help them see their biological family as much or as little as they want to.
Take the Time to Acknowledge Trauma
Research shows that early childhood trauma can still have an effect even if the person doesn’t remember it. For a newborn, leaving the person who smells and sounds familiar to them can be just as traumatic as a child leaving the parent who raised them. Furthermore, older children may grieve the loss of a biological family even if they never met them. It’s important to give your child space to deal with this grief and avoid making them feel bad for their emotions. Adoptive parents who provide unlimited love and support can help their children better process these feelings.
Don’t Make Your Child Feel Like They Owe You
When discussing adoption, many people say things like, “You are giving an underprivileged child a better life.” This sort of attitude can cause problems because it creates an inherent sense of imbalance in your relationship. Adoptive children are often left feeling like they owe a huge debt of gratitude or are being judged for their ancestry. Instead of approaching the situation as if you have done a special service for your child, try to focus on all the joy and happiness your child has given you.
Always Be Open to Learning More on the Subject
Like any other type of parenting, parenting an adopted child is a process. Your family is always growing and changing, and there’s always new information to consider. The best adoptive parents are those who can admit they don’t know everything. By being willing to listen to adopted children and taking the time to research adoptive parent tips, you can get the information you need to give your child a happy, healthy life.
No matter what stage your family is in, Cofsky & Zeidman are here to help. As one of the top New Jersey adoption lawyers, Donald Cofsky has plenty of experience helping with things like finalizing adoptions or communicating with birth parents. Our Haddonfield, Woodbury, and Philadelphia teams can help you and your family find an effective arrangement. Call 856-429-5005 or fill out our contact form to schedule your consultation.